I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and she was petting her beer can
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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