Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
