just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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