You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I puked a lego.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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