The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
