Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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