Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
