Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
