No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
