The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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