i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
