So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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