Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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