i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
