I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
