Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Boobs are out for the taking
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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