you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
