Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
