Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize