i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
