I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
