I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
