dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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