I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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