I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
