im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
