hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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