he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
