i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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