i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
