she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
