Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
