I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
