I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
