i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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