Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
