Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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