hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
