He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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