she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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