so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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