her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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