We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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