maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
