It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My life is pants optional.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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