i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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