i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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