4 words: hood of his car
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
