there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
