wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
