Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
