just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
