Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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