She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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