i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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