Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize