I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
