i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
