Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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