Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
