I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bring me that man meat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
