walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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