i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
