why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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