covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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