that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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