she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
