Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
