Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
