I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
