omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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