I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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