It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
