There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
