Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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