her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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