take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
