You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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