My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
