What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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